After my friend’s wedding on Saturday afternoon, Nathan and I decided that we would take advantage of my mom’s eager babysitting offer and go out for dinner by ourselves. Nathan really wanted a nice seafood dinner (to take advantage of our time in a coastal state) but we didn’t want to make the 45 minute drives to Baltimore or Annapolis because we were both quite tired from the day. So, I suggested the Calvert House Inn, which is a nice restaurant near the University of Maryland campus that specializes in fresh seafood. Well, at least it was a nice restaurant when I was in college. Apparently, the new management has done some unfortunate restructuring.

We knew we were in trouble when the hostess greeted us in sweatpants. The situation worsened when she turned around to lead us to our table and the words “Juicy Couture” were written across her rear end. We really should have left the place at this point. Let me proclaim with absolute certainty that our daughter will never be allowed to purchase a pair of pants that encourages people to read her butt.

The server came by several minutes later to get our drink orders, at which point I discovered that the bar was out of house cabernet. Fantastic planning for a Saturday night! We opened the menu to discover that most of our dinner options consisted of some version of “fried”. I recall getting wonderful broiled scallops and steamed mussels there years ago, but unimpaired arteries no longer seem to be a priority at this establishment.

We settled into our overcooked meals and were treated to the lovely background noise of the sirens from police cars that were parked across the street. (The old neighborhood ain’t what it used to be.) The blue flashing made for quite the romantic glow.

Nathan and I didn’t need to be concerned with any lulls in our conversation, because our “Juicy” hostess provided an entertaining side show. She would stop the bus boys before they made it back to the kitchen with half-eaten meals and grab whatever looked appealing for her own consumption. We watched her enjoy quite a few pieces of bread and some mushroom caps!

So, if you find yourself in Maryland craving some great seafood, let me suggest that you make the effort to drive to one of the fabulous restaurants along the harbors in Baltimore or Annapolis and please avoid the Calvert House Inn!