I’m a step ahead of Rep. John Deberry. With his “Grills Bill”, he wants to allow only dentists to make the mouth impressions for the lovely “grills” that have become so popular with the kiddies these days.

State Rep. John J. Deberry Jr. said his “Grills Bill” is aimed at mall kiosks and jewelry stores that take dental impressions under less-than-sanitary conditions.

“I guess we can’t outlaw the jewelry for your mouth,” said Deberry, D-Memphis. “But we can make sure that it if your children go in there they are not getting an impression of their teeth with a mold and material that someone else has just used.”

First, let me applaud Deberry for tackling the tough issues that face Tennesseans today. I, too, want to make sure that people who are choosing to insert large pieces of metal containing diamonds or other precious gems of the earth into their mouths are doing so in a hygenic fashion.

Now, back to the original point of my post … I am one of the few lovers of the grill who sought assistance from the appropriate medical personnel when getting a new piece of bling. After my most recent cleaning, I turned to my dentist and said, “I’m starting to feel pressure to be the cool mom. I’ve been researching my options. I can buy some alcohol for Catherine and her friends to share during playgroup. Perhaps wearing some sweatpants with the word JUICY written on the backside would help. But, more than anything else, I am convinced that a grill for my top teeth would make me the envy of all other moms in my neighborhood.”

My dentist agreed and told me that his wife has a grill for every day of the week. Yes … a man who understood my mission! He carefully sculpted a perfect mouth impression for me and I left for the nearest mall kiosk knowing that my grill would be clean and a precise fit. No embarrassing grill slippage here!

I proudly wear my platinum grill with the words “HOT MAMA” written in diamonds everywhere around town. The other moms at Target and Kroger just stare and I know those looks are filled with jealousy! How sweet it is.

So, Rep. Deberry, while I’m sure your bill may help some uneducated souls who make the important decision to get a grill without first doing the necessary research, the purpose of your legislation is lost on me.