Sarah's Thoughts
Men Should Have Say in Abortion
There was a discussion going on blogs several weeks ago concerning the right of men to have a say in the abortion decision. I’ve been meaning to write on the subject since first reading the arguments, but am just getting around to it now.
I start with the premise that Roe v. Wade is the accepted law of the land. Whether or not that ruling is appropriate is a whole other argument. That being said …
I believe a husband/boyfriend/random sexual partner should have an equal opinion in determining whether or not a pregnancy is aborted. The baby shares an equal component of both parents’ DNA … it is their baby, not just her baby. The laws of anatomy dictate that the female is the one to carry the baby for nine months. The male should not be punished simply because he does not have a uterus. The woman made the choice to have sex with the person whose sperm has now combined with her egg to form a life. I firmly believe that you should not have sex with a person unless you are prepared for the possibility that you may be responsible for raising a child together (condoms break and a couple of my friends are “pill babies”).
In situations where the woman did not have a choice in sexual activity (such as rape and incest), then the criminal who forced sex certainly should have absolutely no voice in what womb-related actions occur. Instead, he should be castrated and locked away for the rest of his life.
I cannot imagine making such a life-changing (in many ways!) decision such as having an abortion without the support of the other person who is also responsible for that growing life. That is why I fail to understand the concept of “casual” sex. When a man and woman come together and have sex, both need to have a mutual understanding of the consequences. The question needs to be asked before the clothes come off … if a pregnancy results in this act, what do you think should happen? If the answers aren’t the same, keep it zipped.
August 16th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
Sarah,
I appreciate your point, and agree that things probably turn out for the best when two people with some interest in each other’s futures can work together. However, the Ohio bill that generated the discussion didn’t just give men “a” say, it gave them the final say – no written consent from the man, no abortion, even if the man has no intention of being around if he denies the woman “permission,” or if the man can’t even be tracked down.
August 16th, 2007 at 11:38 pm
Rachel,
Thanks for the comment. I read the proposed law and agree with you that it’s ridiculous to deny an abortion if, for example, the male contributor to the situation cannot even be found. That specific law just made me think about the question of the rights of men concerning abortion in general, which is really what I wanted to discuss. I simply don’t buy the responsive argument made by some that it’s a woman’s body and ultimately her decision alone. If the sexual partner can indeed be located and he intends to care for the forthcoming child, his opinion does matter.
August 17th, 2007 at 7:26 am
Men’s Say in Abortions
Sarah at MooreThoughts has a great post about the say men should have in an abortion.
August 17th, 2007 at 8:34 am
We are talking about two votes here. What happens when the woman votes for the abortion and the man votes against it? There is an impasse. Either the man has a veto or his “say” is pretty meaningless.
What if it’s the other way around? The man wants an abortion and the woman does not. Do you think the man should have a “say” then?
August 17th, 2007 at 11:49 am
I believe that if either partner is opposed to the abortion, then it should not happen.
Even if the man wants an abortion, he is still financially obligated to pay for the child the woman chooses to have (see every episode of Maury for examples). Same goes for the reverse. If the man does not want the abortion, then the woman can surrender her custodial parental rights once the baby is born. She is still obligated to provide financial support, though.
Men and women are equal, right? Then we need to have equal consequences for the same decision to have sex. I do understand that the fact that the woman has to carry the child, and that is an unequal burden. But, that’s just a fact of life that cannot be altered.
August 17th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
As I expected, you would make no abortion the default assumption. So if the male is opposed, he doesn’t merely have a say in it, he has a veto.
But how do you necessarily who the other partner is? Ever watch those DNA test shows on Maury Povich or Montel Williams? Sometimes they name four or five different guys as the likely suspect and none of them turns out to be the father.
Suppose the woman names the wrong guy as the father, he does not oppose the abortion, and so she goes through with it, then it turns out that some other guy was the real father and he would have opposed the abortion? How do you determine whether she acted in good faith or not? Are you going to ask her about every single guy she slept with during the relevant period and, if any one of them opposes the abortion, then she can’t have one?
August 17th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Yes … if the male is opposed and the female isn’t, he ends up with the veto.
Your questions related to promiscuity show that the two-person abortion approval is logistically unfeasible when a woman chooses to have multiple partners over the short period of time during which conception could have occurred.
How about this? If a woman lists a man as the father of her unborn child, he has a say in the abortion decision. If she cannot with definitiveness state the owner of the sperm that has found its way to her womb and therefore she has no father for her child, then she can has the right to make the abortion decision all by herself. But, she also loses the right to have a variety of guys tested after the baby is born to determine paternity and get child support.
I am tired of women being portrayed as weak victims of their own sexual choices. On those ridiculous shows like Maury, I get just as frustrated with the women who slept around without concern for the consequences as I do with the moronic “men” who loudly assert their lack of resemblance to the child and tell the audience that the woman with whom they once chose to be intimate has been naked with every dude in town. Sounds like bad sex decisions are being made all over the place!
August 18th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
What if she claims it was a gang rape? You may be tired of women being portrayed as victims, but sometimes they really are victims and sometimes it really isn’t their choice.
Or try another scenario: she consented but her consent wasn’t legally effective because she was too young. In other words, it was a statutory rape, but not a forcible rape.
August 18th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
Yes, Neo, sometimes women really are victims of horrible crimes. It is utterly ridiculous that you think I am referring to women who have been raped when I refer to women being victims of their own choices. If you care to read my original post, I wrote:
In situations where the woman did not have a choice in sexual activity (such as rape and incest), then the criminal who forced sex certainly should have absolutely no voice in what womb-related actions occur.
So, if a woman became pregnant as a result of a gang rape, then she does not need the permission of any man to have an abortion. The same holds true for any type of rape, including marital and statutory.
August 20th, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Fair enough. I really wasn’t so much accusing you of referring to women who had been raped so much as I was simply throwing the idea out there, because throwing ideas out is what I do.
The problem I have is that people who are dead set against abortion in all circumstances — people who may not include you — are very hesitant to grant rape exceptions, particularly when the crime is not promptly reported, because they are scared that women will falsely claim to have been raped in order to get an abortion.
I don’t have any problem with the notion that, ideally, the father should have a say in this kind of decision. My concern is with making pracitical rules that work in the real world.
November 30th, 2007 at 4:46 pm
1 night in Paris Hilton exposed funny
Paris Exposed – Paris Hilton Sex Tape
June 29th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
http://www.trueequality.com/booklet/#ReproductiveRights that about sums up everything that I would say.