I’m perplexed by a dream I had last night. Perhaps you can help me determine the significance of the events that unfolded:

I answered my front door wearing nothing but a large blue towel and found Mike Huckabee smiling on my doorstep. I welcomed him inside and we had a couple of beers. Then, he said, “I have a surprise for you!” We got in his car and he took me to a Hannah Montana concert. We had seats in the third row! I wore the blue towel the entire time.

My husband believes that dreams are nothing more than a random firing of neutrons, but I choose to think that dreams send us important messages.

First, why the large blue towel? Perhaps I’m attracted to Huckabee and I like the idea of being separated from him by only a layer of Egyptian cotton. Well, that and the three-piece suit he was wearing. Or, maybe I can’t fully trust his policy positions and I must keep part of me wrapped up and protected from his charming deception.

The color blue? Could it be that I was sending a signal to the governor — “I know you are really an economic liberal at heart, aren’t you? You like the color blue, yes? Feeling ‘blue state’ when it comes to your position on entitlement programs?” Or, maybe I was feeling blue because he is such a great communicator and I wished I could have embraced the message he was spreading with his fancy talking! I guess it could be nothing more than a hint as to the color in which I should redo my bathroom. Guess I should keep my eyes open for the next white sale at Kohls!

I don’t know whether or not Huckabee enjoys an adult beverage every now and again. That might be frowned upon given his position as a Southern Baptist minister. But, let me tell you something … he becomes even more of a hoot when you get some Miller Lite in him! At least some points remain consistent in my dream and waking states. In both instances, I feel the need to drink heavily when presidential candidates are in my kitchen. You should have seen the liquor bottles that Ted Kennedy and I left scattered across my breakfast bar back in 1980!

What about Hannah Montana? Well, Mike Huckabee has the same initials … just flipped! Maybe he fancies himself as Hannah Montana when he looks in the mirror. He has a secret identity that he hides from the world. What alternate personality does Huckabee keep locked inside? Club kid freaked out on E? Superhero who drives around in the night protecting the righteous from threats of evolution education … a Caped Crusader for Creationism, perhaps? Game show host on obscure Panamanian cable channel?

It could be that he saw how the youth vote is working for Obama and he is laying the groundwork for 2016. At least some of the kids at that concert will be old enough to vote by then. In my dream, I did enjoy being at a show at which I could see over the heads of everyone else in the audience. Must have been how my mom felt when she took me to see Debbie Gibson.

Or, maybe I’m just avoiding the obvious answer. My subconscious was mocking me. You may not believe me, but I pitched the idea for a brilliant character named “Elaine Maine” (I also offered “Gertie Missouri” … I wasn’t picky about the name) to Disney two decades ago. I got laughed out of the executive suite. Laugh, indeed. Miley Cyrus has the entertainment empire that should be mine! These dreams at 2:00am just remind me of what should have been …