Since the L.A. City Council debated an ill-fated resolution on a “40-hour homicide moratorium” earlier this week, I decided to put together my list of practices that I would like to ban for a day or two. Since I want government involved in my life as little as possible, I would never actually work to enact any of the items on my list. But, it is still nice to dream.

I propose a 40-hour moratorium on …

1. Cell Phone Use — I am so tired of seeing drivers who can’t be bothered to use a turn signal or stay within their lane because they are engrossed in a phone conversation. I want to once again be able to assume that someone is crazy when they are talking to themselves, and not that they have one of those ridiculous-looking Bluetooth (?) devices in their ear. Come on, fellow stay-at-home moms, do you really need the hands-free phone to discuss the upcoming soccer practice while walking down the frozen foods aisle by yourself? And, to that woman who yaps on her pink phone every afternoon at the Y while doing her cardio … you are a thorn in my treadmill-loving side. Hang up, people! Enjoy hearing the sounds of the world around you. Carry on a conversation with the person sitting next to you. Urinate in a public restroom without yelling into the phone over the sounds of others flushing.

2. Baggy Pants — This absurd fashion has been around since the mid-1990s and it is time for it to go the way of the Nehru jackets, stirrup pants and jams (remember those loud shorts … I had homemade ones!). The belt industry must be hurting for cash by this point. Let’s take a day, young men, to remember what it feels like to have fabric tightly hugging your waist. Won’t it be great to run without having to use one hand to hold up your pants? Imagine the pressure of picking out just the right pair of boxers being removed from your daily routine. My daughter has actually pointed at your backside and said, “Poopie!” when seeing your sagging pants. Let’s not have the two-year-olds of the world continuing to think that you are incontinent.

3. The Use of the Word “Like” as a Way to Approximate, Paraphrase or Stall — Examples include “There were, like, only twenty people there” or “She was like, ‘There is no way I am going out with him again’” or “It was, like, so cold outside and we, like, didn’t have our coats.” The repeated use of the word “like”, especially when combined with “you know” projects a lack of intelligence and actually kills the brain cells of people who have to listen to you.

4. Child-Related Cling On Items for Cars, Particularly When Affixed to Minivans — I’m really glad that your kid plays soccer and wears #41, or that he is an honor student at the local elementary school or that he is a stick figure with a stick figure sister and a stick figure dog. However, isn’t our country already child-centric enough? What is the point of these decorations? “See, Billy, you can tell I really love you and desire to pump up your self-esteem because I put a huge soccer ball with your name on it on the back of my car. My only identity is achieved through you. Therefore, your accomplishments must be displayed on my primary mode of transportation.”

There are other actions/objects/words worthy of this list, but I believe a temporary halt to the items posted above would be a great start for the betterment of our society.