Fortunately, I have not had the need to call the police very often in my life. I have, however, had three instances within the last month.

I am happy to say that 911 answered and police units quickly responded several weeks ago when I called from I-40 in Hermitage to let them know a guy was hitting a woman outside of their shared car on the shoulder of the road. After some quality time watching cars whiz by on the interstate as statements were taken, I am now awaiting my opportunity to take the stand as a witness.

My experiences with police response has not been so great with my non-emergency attempts at communication. I’m sure all of the locals reading this know the jingle for 862-8600. If it’s an “urgent, non-emergency”, give the Metro police a call using that number. OK … no one is on fire and there wasn’t just a fatal shooting, but the word “urgent” still implies that some level of quick response is needed.

I first dialed the number earlier this month, when I saw a woman zoom around our cul de sac holding a baby, who looked to be about six months old, in her lap. I wasn’t about to let anyone “pull a Britney” in my neighborhood! She deposited the child at at a neighbor’s home and sped off. Since the emergency aspect was gone, I wrote down her license plate and called 862-8600. Well, a recorded message let me know that I was calling at a busy time (1:45pm). I could hold or call back later. I stayed on the line for close to ten minutes and, after hearing the same taped voice offering me the numbers for the fire department and other such services multiple times, I hung up. Repeated attempts throughout the afternoon brought the same result. I eventually called the Hermitage Police Precinct, only to be told that they don’t handle dispatches and I should try that handy 862-8600 number again.

I called the number again yesterday when I drove up to a brand-new accident near my house. I missed the actual collision, but the participants were just getting out of their cars. Everyone seemed fine, but the left lane was blocked. Seemed like an “urgent, non-emergency” to me. Guess what? As it turns out, 4:15pm is a really busy time as well. I never reached anyone.

What is the purpose of the 862-8600 if it is next to impossible to reach someone? Perhaps the jingle should be redone with new lyrics to encourage people to call for matters such as pesky squirrels who keep eating your bird food or a stop sign that tilted just so slightly to the right. That would be more appropriate considering the speed (and “urgency”!) with which calls are addressed.